Feel Like Something's Missing? Understanding Childhood Emotional Neglect
- Minagrace Knox LMFT
- Sep 17
- 3 min read
Many people come to therapy saying something like: “I don’t have a reason to feel this way. Nothing terrible happened in my childhood. But still, I feel empty… like something’s missing.”
If this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing the effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) — a term psychologist Dr. Jonice Webb explores in her book Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect.
What is Childhood Emotional Neglect?
Childhood Emotional Neglect isn’t about what was done to you. It’s about what didn’t happen.
It occurs when parents or caregivers consistently fail to notice, validate, or respond to a child’s emotions. Unlike physical abuse or obvious trauma, it’s subtle, quiet, and often invisible. On the outside, many CEN families look “normal” — loving in many ways, materially supportive, maybe even close. But the child grows up with a crucial piece missing: the sense that their feelings matter.
Invisible Wounds
Because CEN is defined by absence, there’s often no clear story to point to — no dramatic events that explain the struggle. Instead, adults raised with emotional neglect often carry a vague sense of emptiness or feel they’re “wired differently.”
You may have learned messages like:
“My feelings are a burden.”
“It’s better to stay quiet.”
“I shouldn’t need too much.”
Over time, these unspoken lessons become part of how you see yourself and how you move through the world.
Lasting Impacts of CEN
Adults who grew up with childhood emotional neglect may notice:
A chronic sense of emptiness or numbness (“something’s wrong with me, but I don’t know what”).
Difficulty identifying or expressing feelings — emotions feel fuzzy or out of reach.
A drive toward perfectionism or overachievement to compensate for inner inadequacy.
People-pleasing or conflict avoidance, since healthy emotional boundaries were never modeled.
Persistent guilt or shame without clear cause.
Trouble practicing self-compassion or acknowledging their own needs.
One of the most powerful points Webb makes is this: CEN is not the same as abuse. Many people with CEN grew up in “good families.” They were fed, clothed, loved in certain ways — but emotionally unseen. That lack of emotional attunement can be just as impactful as what did happen in other childhoods.
And importantly — acknowledging CEN is not about blaming our parents or caregivers. It’s about naming what was missing so healing can begin. In fact, recognizing this dynamic can also help parents and future parents see just how critical it is to notice, validate, and respond to their children’s feelings — so the legacy of emotional neglect ends with them.
Healing from Childhood Emotional Neglect
The good news is that CEN is treatable. Healing often begins with awareness — naming what was missing. From there, recovery involves:
Learning to recognize emotions in real time.
Validating your own feelings instead of dismissing them.
Turning attention inward — not just on others’ needs.
Developing self-compassion and allowing yourself to have needs, wants, and feelings.
Practicing new skills of emotional connection, often within safe, supportive relationships.
Therapy can be a powerful place to rebuild this foundation — to reconnect with the emotional self that was overlooked and learn how to honor it now.
A Final Thought
If you’ve ever felt empty, disconnected, or like something was missing even though “nothing bad happened,” you are not alone. Naming Childhood Emotional Neglect for what it is can be the first step in reclaiming your feelings, your vitality, and your wholeness. And when you begin this healing journey, you not only free yourself — you also help ensure that the cycle of emotional disconnection doesn’t continue into the future.
